Nothing else matters
by andreeaturquoise
Summary: Sam had enough of the hunter life and he decided to leave that behind. He wanted to run away to Stanford and to leave Dean and John behind. But something unexpectedly happens and Sam has a reason to remain with his family. ExtremelyHurt!Dean, Worried!Guilty!Sam, Worried!John
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! This is a pre-series story, which happens on the night Sam wants to leave for Stanford.

I chose this title because of two reasons: 1. because Dean loves Metallica and I thought that this song's title was perfect and 2. because Sam learns what really matters in life.

Hope you'll like it and I'm waiting for your reviews!

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Chapter 1

Sam rushed into their cheap motel room and took his duffle bag, starting to pack. He was glad that his dad or Dean weren't home from the hunt so he could finally apply his plan. He packed everything that he needed, including his laptop, some clothes, the toothbrush and he took the only photo he had with Dad and Dean.

Two weeks ago, he applied to the Law school at Stanford and he was so happy when he got accepted. Since then, he tried to tell Dean or John about his success, but he didn't have the courage. He always chickened out. Sam knew that if Dad found out, he would get very angry and probably never let him leave. And Dean would be disappointed. Dean loved hunting so much and he was good at it, he was born to hunt, but Sam didn't like that life. He craved for a normal one, he wanted to go to college, become a lawyer, and have a wife and kids. The whole hunting crap wasn't for him.

He decided that the best way to leave was to go without saying anything and leave a note. Maybe he was a coward, but he couldn't stand to see the expression of pure disappointment on Dad's face. Sam also knew that if he stood in front of Dean, he'd never leave. He hated the idea of leaving Dean behind, but his brother would never go with him.

Sam took a piece of paper and started writing quickly a goodbye message and left it on the night stand near Dean's bed. He sighed and took his bag, heading towards the door. If he waited too much, he wouldn't leave. When Sam's hand reached for the door handle, the door opened with a bang and he took a step back. Sam wanted to swear but was surprised by a bloody and panting John.

"What the…?" Sam said. His father stood in front of him, covered in blood and with a panicked expression on his face. He had never seen his dad like this. He seemed… scared.

"Where's your brother, Sam?" John's voice was rough.

John didn't even observe Sam's bag. But Sam was in alert now.

"I thought he was with you on that hunt," Sam said, worried.

"I thought he was with you," John responded. "Oh my God. No, no, no."

John was panicking. He was so tired after a two days hunt and now he couldn't find his oldest son. He remembered Dean calling him from the diner where they ate and telling him that he's going to get help from Sam. But Sammy was in their room and Dean was nowhere near.

"Dad, what were you hunting?" Sam was ashamed that he didn't even bother to ask them details about the hunt. In the last month, Sam didn't give a damn about hunting. He stopped going on hunts with his brother and dad and he developed a habit of not carrying what they were after or where. He didn't think about the consequences; he was used to Dean and dad being invincible so he didn't have to worry.

"We were in the woods near Millinocket, hunting a werewolf but things got complicated. We found out that in those woods a wendigo and a shapeshifter. But that shapeshifter was kind of odd 'cause he could transform in any creature he wanted. After the first night, we went to a diner in town to eat and I left early to go to the library. Then I received a call from Dean telling me that he was coming to get you 'cause you could help."

"And the one talking was probably the shapeshifter," Sam concluded, dropping his duffle bag. He should've gone with them. Watching his dad, another question formed on the hunter's lips, "What's with the blood? You aren't hurt so it's not yours."

"It's Dean's." It was the answer Sam was afraid he would get. He looked closely at John and observed that there wasn't a big amount of blood on him. Only on his white shirt and on his side of his face. Maybe Dean got hurt and dad carried him.

"He got hurt?"

"Yeah, the wendigo bit his shoulder the first day, but it wasn't that bad."

Anger started rising inside Sam. "You couldn't protect him from the wendigo, dad?! Jesus, why didn't you help him? Don't tell me you thought he could handle it!"

"Sam, we didn't even know about the wendigo's existence! And now is really not the time for another fight! Your brother is out there somewhere with a shapeshifter and a werewolf!"

"Yeah, because of you! You're too obsessed with hunting! You couldn't even wait for Dean to finish his breakfast 'cause to go to do that damn research!"

John let himself drop on Dean's bed. He was extremely tired and Sam shouting at him didn't help at all. He wanted to find Dean, but he also wanted to sleep. His eyes fell on a piece of paper on the night stand. He took it and read it.

_Dad, Dean,_

_I'm sorry I had to leave like this but I couldn't face you and tell you in person. I applied to Stanford's law school a few weeks ago and I got in! I know that you won't be glad with my choice, but this life is not for me – it's for you two. _

_Take care, _

_Sammy._

It was John's time to be angry. "What the fuck?!" he shouted and threw the paper on the floor. He was now facing his youngest and he couldn't believe what he had just read. He was going to bail on them. Sam was going to leave them.

"It's not the time now," Sam responded calmly, even though he was scared on the inside. He knew that was the reaction John would've had if he told him in person about Stanford.

"Yeah, you're gonna bail on us later, right?"

"Maybe you should ask yourself why I wanted to leave! And now, knowing that you put Dean's life in danger _once again_, I think I might take him with me!"

"Like he'll go with you!" John new they were childish, but he was tired and pissed off.

"It's better off than being used by your own father like a soldier!"

John couldn't argue with that. He had always thought of his boys like his little soldiers. That was a fact. And he never thought that it was hard for them. John sighed and looked at his youngest.

"We'll talk later about this. Now we must find Dean."

John was shocked when Sam nodded. But he knew that Dean was like a mother, a father and a brother to Sam. He had raised Sam on his own since he was four and he knew that his youngest loved Dean a lot more than he let them know. Sam took a map of the area and marked the woods where John said they were.

"Let's do this," Sam said and started looking for a cave or something in which the creatures could keep his brother. He hoped that Dean was alright because he didn't know what he'd do without his older brother. Sam regretted so much that he wanted to go to Stanford and leave Dean behind. It was a huge mistake and one he would make sure he wouldn't do ever again.

_Please, be okay. Please, please, please,_ he thought.

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What do ya think? It's worth continuing? I'm waiting for you opinions! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Sorry for being so late, but I was out of town for the last few days and I had no internet connection.

I want to thank everyone for reading and leaving reviews. I'm so grateful for that and I want to tell you that if you have any suggestions, I'll gladly read them.

So, this is the next chapter!

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Chapter 2

Dean was woken up by the sudden pain he felt coming from his shoulder. He opened his eyes, trying to figure out where he was, but there was only darkness surrounding him. It was cold, very cold so he decided that he was in a cave and his wrists were bound to the ceiling of the cave.

He remembered the hunt. They were after a werewolf, a wendigo and a shapeshifter – a perfect mix. Dad killed the wendigo so he was probably taken by the two creatures left. He remembered vaguely how he went to de diner's bathroom and then everything went black. That was the moment he was taken. The only thing he couldn't understand was why those creatures were working together. It was wrong and weird.

Dean heard steps coming towards him and hoped for the best. He didn't want to die like that, in a cave, at the mercy of a shapeshifter and werewolf. His only advantage was that the full moon was over and the werewolf was back to his human form.

"Well, well, our little friend is awake," a sound came from somewhere in his left. Dean couldn't see anything; it was way too dark in there. Then, some lights filled the room and Dean could see two men standing in front of him. They were tall and muscular and for a moment he thought that they were brothers.

"What do you want from me?" He hissed, trying to ignore the pain in his shoulder.

"Oh, boy," one of them said, touching his cheek with one hand and Dean tried to jerk away. "You see, your daddy killed my sister and his brothers. Such a wrong thing to do since we don't use to kill or attack humans. But you hunters don't seem to understand that, don't you?"

"So this is a little payback. And, to make things interesting, we'll show you how your beloved daddy tortured our siblings before he killed them," said the other one smirking.

Dean didn't understand. Their dad never tortured anybody. He just killed the monsters and get over it. Torture wasn't in John Winchester's MO.

"We'll kill his only son. I'm sorry that you have to endure this," the one whose hair was longer said. He seemed to be the werewolf.

A sigh almost escaped Dean's mouth, but he succeeded in containing it. So the creatures didn't know anything about Sammy. It was good news. That one moment he was thankful that Sam didn't go on hunts with them too often.

"So this is your little plan, to kill me? Gee, it's awesome, I can't wait for it. But if you think that my dad gives a damn about this, then you're wrong."

"Continue talking, kid." The one who seemed to be the shapeshifter said. Then the creature took a knife from his belt and put the cold blade against Dean's cheek. "That's how John Winchester started torturing my sister. He started making deep cuts on her cheeks, telling her that she'll be so ugly that no one will ever look at her."

Then he pressed the blade on his cheek and Dean subdued his scream. He felt hot blood trickle down his face and onto his neck. The creature did the same thing to his other cheek.

"Your turn, Tom," the shapeshifter said. So the werewolf's name was Tom, Dean noted.

Trying to ignore the pain, Dean started analyzing the cave. It wasn't big, but it was very tall. The exit was on his left and he could easily make his way there in ten big steps. He vaguely heard the water running down, so he was near the lake. He prayed that his dad will find him soon enough.

Tom went closer to Dean and told him that his dad whipped his brothers while trying to convince them to tell him where Tom was. So Tom started whipping Dean, who didn't shout and stood silently for almost ten minutes. The pain in his back was immense, but he didn't want to sound weak. He had to stay alive as long as he took his father and brother to find him.

Sam marked all the twelve caves he could find near the place John told him they had hunted. He hated Maine because there were too many hiding spots, but his best guess was that the shapeshifter and werewolf took him to a cave. It was the classic hiding spot. Finding in which cave they took him, was a harder thing.

The younger hunter watched his dad lay in bed, looking on his laptop. He had never seen John doing research on a computer, it was so weird. But, with Dean gone, Sam wasn't surprised that his dad tried to find him. He couldn't decide whether John was afraid that he'd lose his perfect little soldier or if he was afraid he'd lose his son.

"So, where do you think they'd taken him?" Sam asked, putting the map on John's bed.

John looked at the map, where he saw twelve circles, signaling the caves. Next to them, he could see Sam's notes which indicated if it was big, small or how far away from the city was. John loved that thing about his son. He loved the fact that Sam's research was so thorough.

Then John looked at the clock. Two hours had passed since he had arrived back at the motel room and he couldn't imagine what those creatures had done to his son. He wanted to find Dean, he wanted to make sure he was ok and tell him that he'll never leave him alone. John suddenly realized how precious Dean was to him and how it was his entire fault. He'd known those creatures before because he'd hunted them long ago, but he got only their family. John couldn't think of the things the monsters could do to his son.

"I don't think they'd taken him too far away. It would be too obvious," John said.

"And not too close." Sam made an X over the closest and farthest caves. "I believe that they wouldn't hide him in a big cave because it would be too obvious. That would be the first place a normal person would search, right?"

"Yeah, that's right," John approved and Sam made the same sign over five more caves.

In the end, they had two options remaining. They were closer to the city and close to one another. They had many similarities and they were the perfect hiding spots.

"Let's go," Sam said, taking his map and heading to the door.

"You're not going."

"You must be kidding me! My brother's out there because of your ignorance and you're gonna make me sit here and wait? Forget it! I'm going with you!"

John sighed and nodded. He wasn't in the mood to argue and he could really use Sam's help. They left the motel room in a hurry and headed straight to the first cave, hoping that Dean was inside that one.

For the last hour, Dean was whipped, hit, cut and burned all over his body. Those creatures really knew how to hit because he had a swollen eye and he was sure he had a few broken ribs.

"You're a tough one, I can give you that, boy," Tim said and threw some cold water over Dean's body. "Take him down, Max."

Max, the shapeshifter, did as instructed and Dean wondered what they were going to do to him. He was sure his body was looking horrible and he couldn't believe that he didn't pass out for a second. Dean was relieved when he could move his aching shoulder a little bit, but the creatures grabbed him and dragged him out of that cave. Outside was still dark and Dean saw a river which was floating into the lake and over that river was a bridge. They pushed him into the river and tied him up to one of the bridge's poles. The water was icy cold and the current was even stronger. He could barely keep his head out of the water.

"See you in an hour, kid."

"Shit," Dean muttered. It was bad, very bad. The water was terribly cold and he was only wearing his trousers. He started getting sleepy and for a moment he thought that he would never last one hour in that river. Dean wondered if he would ever see Sammy or dad again.

"Dying in a river, so pathetic," he said to himself and prayed for Sam and John to find him before he freezes to death.

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Any opinions? Do you want more hurt Dean? I'm waiting for your reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! Thanks for your reviews, follows and favorites! They mean so much to me.

So this is the new chapter and I'm sorry that it's a little bit short, but I was soooo tired today.

Enjoy!

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Chapter 3

When Sam and John reached the first cave, it had been almost four hours since Dean went missing. They knew very well that every second that passed made Dean's chances of survival grew smaller.

John entered the cave first, followed by his youngest. He hoped that Dean was in there, but he couldn't hear anything. He opened the flashlight and was dissapointed to see an empty cave, with no trace of Dean inside. He checked the floor, thinking that maybe they kept Dean there for a period and there were traces of blood but he found nothing. He swore under his breath.

"Let's go to the other one," he told Sam and headed towards the exit.

Sam followed his dad in silence. He was so afraid for Dean and he couldn't believe that a few hours ago he was ready to leave him with their dad. Deep down, Sam knew that it was somehow John's fault that Dean got in trouble.

When Dean opened his eyes again, he wasn't surprised that he still was in the river. He couldn't feel the cold water anymore, which was a bad thing because that ment that he was in an advanced state of hypothermia. He wondered if he would ever see Sam again and he hoped that his brother wouldn't end up like him.

Dean heard some steps and knew that the creatures were back for him. He wondered what sick things they've planned for him. But he knew that was the only chance he got to send his family a sign, to let them know where he was - if they were searching for him in that direction. When he felt his body being shot to the banks of the river, he tried his best to take off his boot and leave it right there, near the water.

"You sure are a strong one," Tim told him and Dean sighed.

They bound him to a tree and he tried to keep his head up, but he was suddenly feeling so tired. But he had to stay awake.

"Let's make a deal, kid," the shapeshifter said and smiled at Dean. "Tell us where your daddy is and we'll leave you alone."

"You sons of a bitch can't be trusted. If I tell you anything, you'll kill me."

"So you prefer the hard way, but don't forget that you'll beg for mercy," the werewolf told him with a cruel smile on his face.

Dean sighed. It wasn't the first time he got abducted or tortured, but it was the first time he wasn't sure if he'll survive until the arrival of John.

Tim took the whip from his belt and started hitting Dean in the chest. He smiled sadistically when he started to hear the boy's groans.

Sam and John were rushing towards the second cave, running extremely fast through the woods. Sam wondered if his brother was ok, but he knew better than anyone that Dean was a fighter and that he would never give up so easily. They passed a bridge in their rush and ended up in front of the second cave.

"I'll enter first," John whispered breathlessly, taking a gun in his hand and entering the cave.

Sam followed John in silence, wondering why there was no sound coming from inside. Then he realized that Dean wasn't in that cave and he started panicking. It couldn't be true.

"He's not in there," Sam whispered and John looked at him. He saw his youngest scared face and a new wave of fear entered him. John knew that they'd never resist without Dean, his son was the glue of the family. John also knew that if he'd lost Dean, then he'd also lose Sam.

He wanted to turn away, but he saw some blood on the floor. It was fresh so it meant only one thing. Dean was there.

"Dean was here son," John said and turned towards the exit. His only hope was that Dean was still alive. The blood on the floor wasn't too much, but he wondered why they'd taken his son away. "Let's head towards the other cave, maybe we'll find some clues."

Sam followed his father, thinking about the many reasons he wanted to quit hunting. And, of course, one of them was Dean. He hated the moments when his brother got hurt because John wasn't there for him and Sam wasn't quick enough to help Dean. He hated the feeling he had when they took Dean's limp body back to their motel room and his dad was too stubborn to take Dean to a hospital. Sam couldn't even count the times Dean was about to die because of some injuries made by a supernatural creature. That was why he wanted to leave for Stanford, but he then realized that he should've asked Dean to come with him. He knew for sure that his brother wasn't safe when he was hunting with their dad because John didn't think of anything else besides the creature when they were hunting.

When they reached the bridge, Sam saw an object shining in the light of the moon. He got closer and saw Dean's leather boot. Sam started worrying; wondering why was the boot there. But he called his dad instead and tried to stay as calm as possible.

"It's Dean's boot. And look at those marks. He should be close," Sam said, pointing to the traces left on the soil.

"Let's follow them," John approved. He was proud of Dean for trying to leave something for them to find. Although, he was scared by how quiet the woods were. He was expecting to hear some screams of pain or at least something.

Dean was panting and he was trying his best not to pass out. The pain coming from his chest was immense and he couldn't contain a grunt. The beast hit him with that whip countless times and he wondered if there was any flesh left on his chest and torso. His arms were tightly secured around the tree's trunk and his shoulder hurt like hell. Everything hurt like hell, actually. His chin hit his chest and he closed his eyes, trying to find a way to shut down all that pain. Dean heard of numerous hunters who succeeded in shutting down their emotions, but it seemed all too wonderful. Emotions were the ones who made every human being alive and they were the ones who made the difference between a human and a demon.

"Ready to tell me where your daddy is? I'm getting really bored."

"Fuck you," Dean said between ragged breaths. He tried to seem fearless and hoped it worked.

"Well, well, aren't you a brave one," Tim said and took some knifes from his belt. Max stepped aside and Tim threw a knife in Dean's direction and it entered right in his healthy shoulder. The sudden flash of pain made Dean scream.

"Fuck you," Dean repeated.

Tim smirked and threw another knife, but that one entered in Dean's left thigh and another scream escaped from the hunter's lips. When the third knife hit his other thigh, Dean was sure he wouldn't ever see his family again. He felt pain coming from his side and he let out a loud agony scream before he passed out.

Sam and John heard a scream filled with agony coming from somewhere near them and the only thing they could think of was Dean. It was Dean's voice, for sure, and the hunter was in pain. They started running in that direction, without thinking of anything else besides Dean.

_Please be okay_, Sam prayed before they reached the place from where the scream came.

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What do you think? :) Has Dean suffered enough? Will he survive? Will Sam ever leave Dean alone with John again?

I'm waiting for your reviews! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! Sorry for being sooo late, but I hope this chapter will make up for my long absence. I want to thank you all for you reviews and for reading my story!

Enjoy! :)

Chapter 4

When John and Sam reached Dean, everything that happened after was a chaos. The two hunters launched themselves towards the two monsters. Sam was surprised that anger – the anger caused by seeing his brother unconscious or dead – was making him stronger. He was able to take down the werewolf so quickly that he didn't even realize.

Sam tuned towards his father to see if he had taken care of the shapeshifter. But instead of that creature, he saw a perfect copy of his brother facing John. John's gun was pointed at the creature's head, but he hesitated, hands trembling. It was so weird to see John hesitate that Sam didn't believe his eyes at first.

"Dad, kill him! He's not Dean!" Sam shouted, wanting to take his brother to a hospital.

John still hesitated, his finger placed on the trigger. He knew that creature wasn't his Dean, but it was hard to look in the eye your son and shot him – even though that isn't your son. The shape shifter smirked, guessing that it was hard for John to complete the job.

"Dad, please, don't. I'm your son, can't you see that?" The creature said in Dean's voice.

The sound of Dean's voice paralyzed both Sam and John. John cursed under his breath. He hated the fact that he didn't kill the son of a bitch earlier because he didn't want to hear his son's voice coming from that thing.

"You're not my son, you son of a bitch!" John screamed, still hesitating. That was the worst part when you confronted a shapeshifter – it often turn into a person you love. John couldn't count the times when the shifter he had fought took the shape of Sam, Dean or Bobby. It was a hard thing to do, but it was his job. But it was getting harder and harder.

"Maybe I'm not," the creature smirked, "but your son isn't in there either." The shapeshifter pointed to the limp body tied to a tree. "I broke him. I'm sorry you can't see how much he suffered, how much he screamed for you to come and nobody came for him. Even though he may survive, he's broken."

Sam looked at his brother – his real one – and was terrified. Dean's whole body was a mess. He had countless bruises and cuts and some big and bad looking gashes. He looked like he was whipped. Sam saw the three knifes that were stuck in his brother's body and he knew instantly that he was in a very bad condition.

John also glanced at his two sons. He was starting to realize that Sam was getting paler and paler. He tried to keep it together for the sake of his two sons, but he knew that he was going to lose it soon.

"Dad, Sammy," the creature said again and Sam, filled with anger, raised his own gun and shot the shapeshifter.

While the creature fell to the ground with a 'thud', Sam briefly saw his father's face. John was amazed by how professional his son worked. He was proud of Sam and knew that Dean was the one who motivated Sam. Sam would do anything for his brother and John knew that very well.

The two hunters approached Dean, who was extremely pale and Sam placed two fingers on his neck, trying to find a pulse. He was relieved when he found one, even though it was weak. He thanked all the Gods he knew for this. Dean was alive. Hurt, but alive. Sam was still worried, but he tried to stay professional.

"He's alive," he breathed, looking at his dad.

"That's a good thing. Before we take him down, we must see what we're against."

Sam knew what John wanted to say. They must analyze a bit Dean's injuries to be careful with them and not make matters worse.

"He's been whipped so he's lost a lot of blood. There might be some broken or bruised ribs and I think that his left shoulder is dislocated. There are also those three knives in his thighs and shoulder, but they couldn't have caused internal bleeding. They're deep though. And his hair is wet, his body freezing, so we might be against an advanced phase of hypothermia," Sam said, surprised by how calm he had been.

"Let's take those knifes out," John said and put his hand on one handle.

Sam nodded. They took out the three knifes as fast as they could and they were grateful that Dean was unconscious. It was a relief. When the job was done, Sam started to untie the ropes.

"We can't get back to the car. He's too cold and the fact that he's not shivering is bad. Let's settle in the cave," John decided and helped Sam carry the hunter.

John was grateful that he took some other things aside weapons with them. He had a set of Dean's clothes, the first-aid-kit, an old kettle, a blanket and water.

They entered the cave, which was close to their previous location, carrying Dean's dead weight. Even through the layers of clothes, they could both feel the coldness coming from Dean.

"Let's put him there," Sam pointed to a place in the right side of the exit, where he saw an improvised fireplace.

They eased Dean on the floor into a sitting position and John took out the first-aid-kit instantly. They had to tend the wounds and get the boy warm fast. John couldn't decide which was more important so he told Sam to ten the wounds while he went out to take some wood. He knew that Sam was better than him at stitches and they couldn't lose more time.

John prayed that his son would wake up soon. He didn't want to admit that he was frightened by the shapeshifter's words. Dean couldn't be damaged; he was too strong. John saw Dean get over many things that could affect anyone, but his son made it all seem so easy. He sometimes thought that his son was invincible, but in those rare moments when Dean was vulnerable John was blocked. He was used to Dean being strong.

Meanwhile, Sam took the blanket from John's duffle bag and placed it on the floor and then he eased Dean on it. He needed to take a better look at his brother's injuries. Aside from the ones made by the knife, the other ones weren't bad. Sam opened the first-aid-kit and took the disinfectant and poured it on Dean's front and back. Then he started stitching the worst wounds, while he heard his dad coming back and making a fire. When he finished stitching and bandaging all the wounds, he turned to face John. Their dad made a big fire near them and placed the kettle filled with water in it.

"We need to get him warm, he's still freezing," Sam said after he placed a hand on Dean's cheek. If you looked at Dean from far away, he seemed dead due to his pallor.

"Let's bring him closer to the fire, but before we must change his clothes," John said.

They lifted Dean and struggled to change his clothes. After they did that, John and Sam moved Dean closer to the fire.

"Body contact will warm him up, Sam."

Sam took a sit behind Dean and his brother was leaning against his chest. John put the blanket around his boys and sighed. Sam could feel the coldness of Dean's skin and tightened his grip around his brother. Moments later, he was grateful when he began to feel the hunter shivering. It was a good thing; it meant that he was starting to get warmer.

"He's beginning to warm. Dad, do you think we can take him back to the car anytime soon?" Sam wanted to take Dean to a hospital as soon as possible.

"I don't think so. He's too weak. I'm afraid that if we try to move him now, he might not…" John didn't finish his sentence, but Sam knew what he meant. Dean might not survive. "We must stay here for the night, Sammy."

"I'm scared," Sam admitted. He was so close to losing his brother and he didn't believe that he was capable of leaving without him.

"I know you're scared, Sammy. I am too. But your brother is strong and we'll get over this. I promise. No shapeshifter or werewolf are capable to end a Winchester." John tried to reassure Sam, even though he was also scared. He was scared of what the shapeshifter had told them. What if Dean reached his breaking point? He was scared of what followed after Dean woke up.

Sam was surprised when he heard John admit that he was scared. The big and fearless John Winchester said that he was afraid of something. Sam knew that John wasn't the type of person who would tell everything he felt deep down. But Sam believed that it was a normal thing for a parent, to be scared for his son. It was an absolutely normal reaction.

Dean began to shift. He was leaning against something warm and familiar and his whole body was numb. He was afraid, terrified of what was happening around him. Dean wondered when he would feel the pain again. It felt weird, not being in pain. He didn't want to open his eyes; he didn't want to see where he was. In fact, he wanted to be asleep again. Instead, he said the only thing he could think of, the only thing that mattered.

"Sammy?"

**TBC**

What do you think? :) I'm waiting for your reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys! Thanks for your comments and I want to tell you that this story is far from over! Sorry for being late again.

Sooo, enjoy!

**Chapter 5**

When Sam heard the whisper coming from Dean, he wanted to jump and scream, but he remained still, his arms around his brother.

"Yeah, Dean, I'm here. You need to rest, man," he said calmly.

"Hurtss," Dean whispered again, his body trembling. His voice was rough and pained.

"I know, bro. I know." Sam took the bottle of Tylenol from the first-aid-kit and handed Dean two pills along with a bottle of water. "Take these, you'll feel better."

Dean slowly moved his hand to take what Sam handed him. His whole body hurt so much that every movement made him wince. He tried to open the bottle, but he couldn't and was grateful when Sam helped him. Then, he briefly looked at Sam and John. He couldn't believe that his family was there; he was sure that they'd left him for good. It felt good, knowing that he wasn't alone.

Seeing Dean up was one of the happiest days of John's life. He was so relieved to see his son awake that he wanted to hug him, a sign of affection that he didn't show to Dean for a very long time. It was good to see those emerald eyes open, even though he could observe the pain in them. He knew very well that Dean had suffered very much and he wished that he could take away all his pain.

"Can't move my arm…"Dean said, hoping that Sam heard his whisper.

"Yeah, your shoulder's dislocated. I must fix it, but I needed you awake." Sam knew that the pain that Dean felt was huge and he had seen how shaken his brother was. If Dean couldn't hide his pain, then it was a very strong one. Sam wanted to fix his brother's shoulder later, when the pain would've passed, but it was dangerous. You can't mess with that kind of injuries.

"No, I don't want to!" Both Sam and John were surprised by Dean's cry. Dean didn't complain like a five-year-old. No. Never.

"I know Dean, trust me. I will be quick, bro, and then you can rest."

"Bitch."

That one word made Sam smile. It meant that his brother was still there, somewhere. "Jerk," he responded. He quickly helped Dean into a sitting position and took a leather piece from John and placed it in his brother's mouth.

"On three," he told Dean and took his hurt arm. He could feel Dean's muscles tense up immediately. "One…Three," he added and shoved his arm in place.

The pain he felt in that moment was unbearable and Dean was surprised that he didn't pass out. He wanted to kick his brother's ass, scream and curse, but his body was too weak for that. He made a mental note to kick Sam's ass when he was going to feel better. Dean spit the leather piece from his mouth and settled against Sam's chest, murmuring a "son of a bitch". All he wanted was to sleep.

John couldn't watch Sam fix Dean's shoulder so he looked outside and he tried not to flinch when he heard a low cry of pain. When he turned his eyes to his sons again, Dean was leaning against his brother's chest, eyes half closed, almost drifting off.

"Dean, you need to drink this," John said, pouring the hot water from the kettle into a small glass he had with him.

"I don't want to. No, no," Dean said childishly and shut his eyes closed.

"Don't be a child. You need to warm up a little."

"I'm warm. And I'm not a child! I don't want that stupid water!" Dean's voice rose a little bit and John fought the impulse of arguing with his son.

John passed the glass to Sam and Sam nodded, putting the glass in front of Dean's lips. "Bro, you need to drink. Just a little, ok? Then you can sleep."

"No. I told you that I don't want to."

John and Sam were both amazed by how childish Dean could be. Sam knew that his brother's walls were down and that was why he was acting like that. He enjoyed the moment because he never really saw Dean acting like a child. Dean was always the big brother, the mature one, the adult and sometimes Sam wondered how would've been if Dean was the little brother.

"Take a couple of sips for your little brother. Won't you do that for me?" Sam's voice was soft, like he was talking to an actual child and John smiled when he heard him.

Dean's body relaxed a bit and he took a sip of the hot and tasteless water. "You little bastard," he murmured and took another one. It was a good feeling though, feeling warm.

Sam smiled and rested his other hand on Dean's healthy shoulder. He wondered how much were they going to stay in the cave and hoped that Dean would feel better in the morning. Sam saw that the sunset had passed and rested his back against the cave's wall. Dean was sleeping, leaning on his chest, and he felt that his brother's skin had gotten a little bit warmer. He wrapped the blanket around then and looked at his father, who was sitting near the fire, lost in thoughts. Sam knew that he was going to have a fight with John sooner or later. There were many things that had happened between them in the last hours and they needed to talk about them. But knowing a Winchester, talking almost every time turned into a fight.

The young hunter wondered why did those creatures took his brother. He knew deep down that it had something to do with John, but he didn't know what. When Dean got hurt on a hunt with John, it was always their father's fault and Sam always protected Dean. He didn't care if John kicked his ass because he knew that his brother was more important than anything.

John was thinking about his family, wondering when they really stopped being a real family. They were the same blood, but they didn't act like a family, at least not all of them. Dean was the only one who tried to keep them together and neither Sam nor he tried to help Dean. They weren't even grateful enough. John knew that without Dean, Sam and he would probably take different paths – Sam would go to college and have a normal life while he continued hunting things and hunting the yellow-eyed demon. Dean was keeping their family together and John suddenly regretted every wrong he did to his boys. The moments when he saw his sons hurt were the moments when he considered putting hunting behind.

John also understood why Sam wanted to go to college and have a normal life – if it wasn't for Mary's death that would be the thing he'd want for his boys. He'd want to see Sam and Dean go to college, graduate, have a family and be happy. John knew deep down that he was the reason why those things wouldn't happen and he couldn't blame Sam for wanting to leave for college the last night. Still, he was a little bit upset about that.

"Sam, are you okay?" It was a question that surprised both Sam and John.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm okay. I only hope that he'll be okay." Sam glanced to Dean. "He's warmer but he was so childish when he was awake."

"Dean's a strong man, you don't have to worry 'bout that." John tried to reassure his youngest, looking at the flames. "I sometimes do miss Dean being a child, or acting like one."

John's statement amazed Sam. He always thought that John hated childish things. "I never thought that you…" Sam couldn't finish the sentence, but he knew that John understood what he meant.

"What? You think that I consider you two my soldiers?" Sam wanted to nod, but he kept watching John's face. "No. I really love you guys and I'm sorry that I made Dean go through all that shit when he was small. I can still remember him before Mary died. He was so full of life, so happy…" John smiled.

"He's the most alive person I know. How was he like a child?" Sam wanted to know more about Dean before the accident.

"Yeah, you're right 'bout that. He always moved, he always did something, never stopped. He couldn't stop. I remember one time when Mary and I took him to the zoo and he was so enthusiastic that he'd run all the way to the park. When we got there, a child's ball was stuck into a tree and Dean climbed in it and gave the toy back to the boy. We were so proud of him and so surprised of his courage. He was our little champ." John smiled, remembering the day.

"It is exactly what Dean would do." Sam smiled and stroke Dean's hair. "I only hope that he'll be okay. It was my fault… If I'd gone with you on the hunt, maybe we could've avoided this…"

John was surprised by Sam's words. "It wasn't your fault, kid. It was mine, for leaving him alone."

"No, no. It was mine. I should've been with Dean as his backup. I should keep him safe. He always helped and protected me and this is what I do…"

John walked to Sam and sit next to him, his shoulders brushing. "I don't want to hear this shit anymore. It wasn't your fault kid. Don't blame yourself for something like this."

"But I do, Dad. I thought that I could leave you two and go to college, but I can't. I… I can't leave Dean; I can't stand the fact that he might get hurt while I am away because I wasn't his backup…" Sam's voice broke and he tried not to cry, but the guilt he felt was huge, it was swallowing him.

"Hey, Sammy, hey," John put his arm around Sam's shoulders. "Calm down, son, calm down…" He said in a soft voice, making circles with his fingers on Sam's shoulder, trying to calm him down.

Sam rested his head on John's shoulder and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. John smiled and was surprised by how normal felt that gesture – his son resting his head on his shoulder. It warmed John's heart. That was the moment when knew that they could still be a normal family. John wondered if hunting was worth letting all this go.

**TBC **

What do you think? I'm waiting for your reviews!


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! I'm so, so sorry for being so late, but school has started and I don't have so much free time. Moreover, I received a new laptop 'cause my last one doesn't work anymore so I had to rewrite this chapter again.

I want to that you for your reviews, I read them all and I appreciate them a lot!

So, I hope you'll like this one :)

Chapter 6

John was almost drifting off to sleep when he heard a groan coming from his elder son. He looked at Dean and saw him frown in his sleep. He seemed like he was having a nightmare so John slowly woke up Sam.

"Sam, Sam, wake up!"

At first, Sam was disoriented. He couldn't understand what was happening. He was almost sure that he was with his Dad and brother in a cheap motel room until he felt the cold surrounding him._ Definitely not a motel room_, he thought. Then, all the past events came rushing to Sam. He suddenly became alert and he looked straight at Dean, who was still asleep with his head on Sam's chest. But he was shivering and moving restlessly. Something was happening to Dean and nor Sam, nor John knew what was going on.

"Should we wake him up?" Sam asked, looking at John, who was hovering over Dean.

"I don't really know. It looks like he's trying to say something. Maybe it's something useful."

"He's in pain, for God's sake! Of course he says things in his sleep!"

John sighed and tried his best to ignore his younger son. He didn't want to argue with Sam when he had other priorities. He hated so much situations like this because it made him realise how human are his sons.

"Okay. Okay. Dean, can you wake up for me?" Sam asked softly, touching his brother's shoulder.

A soft moan came from Dean. "Mom…" It was just a whisper, but John and Sam understood what he was saying and they both froze. Dean never talked about their mom and that was the thing that terrified both Sam and John.

John took a step back and looked at his boys like they were aliens. Mary was an off-topic for all of them and he hadn't heard her name or his boys call her in a long time. He sometimes thought that Dean and Sam had forgotten her. But Dean calling her, despite his sickness, came as a shock to John. He really didn't want to remember all the beautiful and bad moments he had with his wife. He didn't want to remember the Yellow-Eyed Demon and the horrible way he killed her.

Sam was also shocked. For a split second, he didn't know what to do or say. He knew that Dean was hurt and he was dreaming about things he wouldn't usually allow himself to think. Dean never talked about their mother, not even when they were small and Sam asked countless things about her. It was like Mary was a tabu-topic and no one dared to talk about her. Initially, Sam was nervous about that because he didn't know anything about their mom, but he never dared to ask Dean too many things about her. Sam knew that it hadn't been easy for Dean to see how their mother died.

_His walls are down, for good_, Sam thought and tried to wake Dean up again.

When Dean opened his eyes, he blinked repeatedly before he adjusted his eyes. He wondered where he was, but he quickly remembered everything and he felt all that horrible pain. The worse thing was that the pain wasn't only coming from his wounds, but also from his heart. He felt like he had lost something along the way, even though he didn't know what. He wanted to ask for Sammy, but he couldn't find his words. It was like they had disappeared. Dean quickly recognised that feeling. He had been through that more than fifteen years ago, when their mother had died. All the words had vanished and he knew that he couldn't talk even if he wanted.

"How are you feeling, sport?" John looked at Dean and tried to act as normal as possible.

Dean looked at John and tried to tell him through eyes everything he felt. He wanted to tell him that his walls were down and that he couldn't talk until he was able to build them. Instead, he just nodded, and looked away.

All of John's fears come to truth when he didn't hear his son's voice. That was it. Dean was again refusing to talk due to some unknown reasons. John wanted to scream and curse because he didn't know if he could stand that again. The last time when Dean refused to speak was when Mary had died and John was ashamed to

"Okay, Dean. Drink this, will you? It will keep you warm." Sam said and gave his brother the kettle with hot water.

Dean was grateful that Sam changed the subject. For one moment, he wanted to be understood by his family. He had accepted everything from them and he thought that he deserved to be left alone, to be left to make his own decisions. He took the kettle from Sam and took a few sips from the boiling water. His throat was so dry that he didn't know if he could have been able to speak.

Sam watched his brother closely as he drank the water and after that Dean drifted off to sleep again, without saying anything. Deep down Sam continued to hope that maybe his brother didn't speak because he was too tired, but when he looked at John, he wasn't so convinced anymore.

"I can't believe he refuses to talk again!" John said, furious. He wanted to punch something.

"Again? Did something like this happen again?" Sam asked curious. "And stop shouting! He's sleeping, he's not dead!"

John glared at his son, but he knew he was right. "He didn't talk for quite some time after your mother's death. Nothing, not a single word to me or Bobby or Pastor Jim. We realised that he started talking again when you were old enough to talk yourself. I don't know what was going on with him, but for two years he didn't say anything."

"And you did nothing to help him?" Sam accused.

"What? Tell him to talk? Command him? I had a lot of things on my mind back then. Hunting, the Yellow-Eyed Demon, you."

"So you didn't even observe that Dean was refusing to talk to anybody! Knowing you, maybe Bobby pointed that out before you knew."

"Sam, watch your mouth. I warn you." John was already furious with his eldest son's decision and he wasn't able to handle Sam.

"And you wonder why I wanted to leave you for college. You are so absorbed into your little hunting world that you can't take care of us. You don't even care of us! We are only your little soldiers and you keep us with you because we can help."

Sam was angry. He totally blamed his father for Dean's two years of silence. He knew Dean and he knew that his brother needed some comfort after Mary's death. Of course, that comfort wasn't probably provided by John.

"Samuel, do you really wanna do this?" John tried to control himself, but his first impulse was to hit his son. Instead, he walked towards the exit of the cave, phone in hand, and told Sam that he was going to call Bobby.

Remained alone, Sam looked at Dean, who seemed to be running a fever. He touched his forehead and realised that he was a little bit hot, but nothing a Winchester couldn't handle. Afterwards, Sam cleaned his brother's wounds and made him comfortable against his chest. For Sam, it was such an unusual image to see Dean being so vulnerable. Dean was always the strong one, the one who protected Sam and not the other way around. But he was prepared to do anything for his brother.

Deep down, Sam hoped that Dean's silence was only something that was going to pass. Sam believed that Dean's walls were down and silence was the only way he knew to build back his walls. He was anyway determined to do anything to help Dean.

First, they needed to get the hell out of that cave, where it was getting colder and colder. Sam guessed that it was a few hours before sunrise and he was glad that Dean resisted so well over the night. The younger hunter hoped that none of his brother's wounds had gotten infected over the night and that was the cause of that slight fever.

John stepped inside the cave and tried to be as calm as possible. He knew that Sam was tired and that was the reason behind his words and he himself wasn't feeling so great either. But their top priority was Dean.

"Bobby's awaiting for us," John announced, looking at his two sons, who were staying exactly where he had left them.

"How are we gonna carry him? His shoulder isn't in a very good shape and I doubt that we could move it without causing him too much pain."

"I don't know right now, but we'll figure it out. We need to get him out of here because he'll either get sick from the cold of he'll get and infection to those wounds."

John started packing silently, trying not to think of anything and to remain focused on his action. But that didn't last very long because Dean started murmuring Mary's name, over and over again. John wanted to gag his son because he couldn't stand hearing his deceased wife's name, it was causing too much pain.

"Yeah, Daddy, I'll take Sammy outside as quickly as I can," Dean whispered.

"My God. He's dreaming that night over and over again," Sam said terrified. "He's walls are down. Broken."

"Yeah," John approved. "Let's hope that he will become again the Dean we know. I really can't handle this."

"It's good that you approve," Sam commented.

"Stop this shit and let's get going. We have a long way to the Impala and Dean's pretty much beaten up."

John sighed and hoped that Dean will come out of this all right. _Please, Mary, help our son, _he thought.

TBC

This is all for now! I am waiting for your reviews, opinions! :)


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